awakening

What fell creature emerges now from the cold dark of deepest winter, frigid claws scraping across a dusty keyboard to deliver its sinister message? What eldritch abomination lumbers online, joints creaking from disuse, to scream into your brain through the void of cyberspace?
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OK, maybe that's a tad melodramatic. Not the joints creaking part - that's dead on. I'm the most ancient 32-year-old you've ever met in your goddamn life. 

The point is that I know it's been awhile. Those of you who still believe in the social construct known as "time" would call it 4 months. I call it a long winter's nap. In my defense, I was tired.

If I'm being honest, I've been tired for awhile. (If I'm being brutally honest, for as long as I can remember.) I could spin you a tragic tale about the reasons for this perpetual fatigue, detail the many explanations for my absence - some legitimate, some excuses - but I won't waste your time. It doesn't really matter why  I've been so tired. What matters is that it's time to wake up.

Friday was a new moon. The first new moon of a new year and a new decade (and yes, it is a new decade, fight me). The energy is ripe for new beginnings all around. That's what this post signifies for me - a new beginning.

It's easy to get tired and apathetic when you're trying to do something you don't really love. It's hard to summon any sort of enthusiasm through the fog when the effort doesn't seem worth it. When I started this blog, I wasted so much time trying to think of what kind of topics would appeal to the widest audience, what gimmicks I could employ to attract web traffic, and in the process, I lost sight of what I  actually wanted this blog to be.

Essentially I'm saying that this blog has been bullshit. It's been boring and passionless and, inevitably, I got tired of it. Somehow, though, I still missed writing it. Or I at least missed the initial excitement I had at the idea  of writing it, back at the beginning.

So let's cut through the bullshit, shall we? I love writing. I love writing short stories. I love the little baby scrap of a novel I've started working on. And I especially love writing about the shit I care about, which includes (in no particular order):

1) Creepy shit
2) Gay shit
3) Feminist shit
4) Personal shit
5) Weird shit
6) Morbid shit
7) The inevitability of death and the great mystery of what lies beyond...shit

I also love to curse. Sorry mom.

All this to say - I'm back. Or perhaps more accurately, I have finally arrived. No more angst about what people might want from me, I promise. Just me as I am: a queer woman who is tired of her own and others' bullshit, standing before you ready to bear her soul along with her glowing eyes and clawed wings and many faces*, hoping you'll stick around for all the weird shit to come.

*Just kidding, I totally have a normal and expected number and type of human body parts. Probably.